*Nonna holding an effortless plank position for one second per year of her life, the week of her 90th birthday*

2024 could be the year you stop feeling worried, weighed down and powerless - and actually make a difference. Make the changes you want to see, in your own life, and have a positive impact on the world around you. Do something that matters – the thing that you keep thinking about. But if this is actually going to happen, you know first you are going to need to find some more energy from somewhere. But where?

Well, my nonna turned 90 in November and she is stronger and more energetic than I am. Her core strength is enviable (see my Instagram for the video of her effortlessly holding a plank position for a minute), as is her give-it-a-go attitude. Ok, so she is at a different phase of life to me, she’s not juggling like I am, she has different goals and plans to me - we know better than to compare. But when I look at her, I can see a lot of things that would work for me, and that would help to give me the strength and energy I need to tackle my goals and the blimmin’ to-do list. Here are just 5 of many lessons I’ve learnt from her:

*Nonna, full of energy and having fun at the park*

1. Consistency: but guilt-free, gentle and opportunistic

Unsurprisingly, (how else could you execute a plank position like hers?) she has consistent daily and weekly routines – for exercise and otherwise. You are definitely not alone if you’re thinking ‘Yeah I know consistency is good but every time I start a great new routine it doesn’t last long before it starts to slip and then disappears altogether.’ So, here are a few things I’ve noticed that help her to maintain the consistency, and build that core strength (physically and mentally):

Gentle consistency

Nonna clearly gets a thrill from challenging herself and seeing what she is capable of, but she has nothing to prove, she will let go of it rather than over-stress her mind or body. Keeping it to an enjoyable level of challenge means nothing to dread or avoid, she’s less likely to injure herself or ‘need a break’ from it, and more chance of being able to keep ticking away, building over time.

Guilt free consistency

Nonna gets up early and by 8am has exercised, checked on the plants, done the housework. She has regular social and voluntary fixtures throughout the week. At night-time she knits, checks on the progress of the moon, does her skin care regime, reads and has a regular bedtime. But every now and again she will happily dump the routine without guilt, stay up until 2am playing cards (if her visitors are up for it) and go to bed with her mascara still on. Her routine has been solid enough, long enough, that it can take a hit (she’ll still leap out of bed early and energetic after a late night). But I think it got so solid partly because of the lack of guilt and burden over it. She values herself and the activities that support her enough to want to do them, and doesn’t let them become a duty, obligation or chore. Consistency is not a thread that must not be broken, it’s a chain where each additional link counts. So you are less likely to find yourself growing to hate your routines, or thinking ‘Well I’ve fallen off the wagon now so I might as well…’ The lack of mental baggage around her routines helps her to stick to them most of the time – they are like familiar friends rather than task masters. And like true friends, they are enablers – they give her the energy and freedom from which to adventure, even if that means leaving them behind sometimes.

Opportunistic consistency

In addition to the regular routines, Nonna keeps momentum going by taking opportunities wherever she spots them for a ‘micro-boost’: a squat when opening the fridge, a smear of avocado on her face when preparing lunch, flexing her muscles when mowing the lawn, stairs over lift.

The micro-boost might not be as effective as a full workout or facial, but it all counts to her.

Most importantly, it keeps the momentum going, in between the dedicated elements of routine, and especially if the ‘proper’ session is missed entirely. You keep the feeling going of being active and healthy, the kind of person who does these things. For me, this is a major one, as losing momentum is such a killer.

And for many of us, juggling things as we are, there will be times when dedicating time will be impossible, and micro-boosters could be all that keeps us going.

*Nonna playing around before a night out for her 90th birthday*

2. Be your own doctor

You might have guessed that my nonna is Italian (Venetian), and she uses a lot of Venetian proverbs. ‘Be your own doctor’ is one that she says regularly.

I think this means caring for yourself, doing the things that you know are good for yourself and not doing the things that harm yourself (it sounds obvious but so many of us do the opposite). I also think this is about knowing yourself and being in tune with yourself. So knowing what you, as a unique individual like and need, what makes you feel good and what doesn’t, and acting accordingly. It’s being able to say no to the things that don’t suit you without feeling guilty or worrying about what other people think. She does all of this whilst also being someone that dedicates a lot of time to giving to others.

It all sounds simple but it requires a baseline of self-worth, and the courage to stick to what you know is good for you, even if it is at odds with what others around you are doing.

People with a lot of empathy, and who are motivated by making a positive contribution to the world, are sometimes more likely to have an undercurrent of people-pleasing, being disconnected from their own needs and dreams, being at risk of taking on too much and getting burnt out. There is also a tendency to set your own value by what you do and the difference you make. To make the impact that you want sustainable, think about to what extent you believe you already have enough value to be worth taking care of (regardless of what you do to ‘earn it’), what taking care of you means, for you, as a unique individual, and what needs to shift to enable you to step up and be your own doctor.

3. Give anything a go – but only if you want to

Nonna’s energy is the self-generating sort. She’s playful and always up for a laugh, and she will give anything a go – whether or not she thinks she’ll be good at it. She’ll join in with her teen grandsons playing football, get on the trampoline, get the bus across the country just to keep you company on the journey and to see a new place. Don’t challenge her to a race unless you mean it, because she’ll do it. This means she gets lots of opportunities to strengthen her body, her mind or develop a skill. It gives her opportunities to have new experiences and connect with others. Mostly it gives her a lot of opportunities to laugh at herself, be playful, and often downright mischievous if we’re being honest.

She is generally a ‘yes’ person, but at the same time, as I’ve said, she doesn’t feel guilt or pressure to do things if she doesn’t want to. She challenges herself because she enjoys it, but doesn’t let it become a duty or a ‘should’. She works hard, and finds things enjoyable and satisfying that perhaps others might not, but that satisfaction and enjoyment is really important.

Sometimes people want to let go and have a ‘give-it-a-go’ attitude, but we get stuck behind what I think of as an ‘activation threshold’. Once over it, it’s like the ‘give-it-a-go’ mindset is activated so the threshold lowers and then it’s much easier to go for it next time you get a chance. At this point it’s also often easier to distinguish between wanting to say ‘no’ because you genuinely don’t want to do it, vs being overly preoccupied with your ‘performance’ or unhelpful fears (otherwise it can be hard to tell the difference). This ‘activation threshold’ can similarly feature in perfectionism and procrastination behaviours too.

Now of course we’re all different and not everyone is going to be the one to pose for photos on the Tudor potty, or chase the kids up the hill and leap over the fence at an ancient heritage site (yes, both her, last year), but when I am a little more ‘Nonna’ it does me good.

4. Get out of your head and be in the world

As a child I remember whenever we were out and about she would constantly say ‘Oh how beautiful’, ‘How interesting’, ‘Oh what is this?’ at everything we passed. Recently she told me that she deliberately keeps her head up, looking around her and paying attention to things. That’s why she has so many stories of adventures that start with making a new friend on the bus (that, and she travels by bus a lot). In the morning she checks on the birds in the garden, every night she checks where the moon has moved to and what shape it is – just for interest.

It’s her own version of mindfulness and living in the moment. Taking notice is one of the New Economic Foundation’s ‘5 ways to wellbeing’ and it’s clear to see how it works for Nonna. I also think it is a source of strength and resilience.

You’re more likely to see opportunities for joy, growth, connection, and adventure. You might even find solutions to the problems that are bouncing around in your brain, but if not, at least it will give you a brief break from them, and a chance for your nervous system to settle.

It keeps you out of your head. Which is probably a good thing if it’s full of to-do-lists, worries and boring adult things. Most of the thoughts you are having, you have probably already had loads of times before, and will have again. You won’t miss them if you get out of your head and look around for a while.

5. Don’t fall for the cheap dopamine kick

Nonna is a lover of beauty and enjoys a bit of sparkle. But:

Most of her clothes are pre-loved and she tailors them according to her own style (buying herself a new top this year for her 90th birthday was quite exceptional); she rarely eats out or buys coffee out; she doesn’t like clutter and having lots of ‘things’ in the house; she doesn’t like waste and will find ways to use up scraps of food or wool rather than buying new.

There are obvious health, financial and environmental benefits. She enjoys the challenges and opportunity for creativity in living this way. It keeps her home and head clear of clutter and easy to maintain. I think it comes down to her choosing sustainable and meaningful sources of satisfaction and energy, instead of falling for the quick and easy dopamine hits that many of us do (how many times have I bought a coffee out that I didn’t want or need just for that little kick?). Now I don’t currently have the time or skill to tailor my own clothes (although I do wear a lot of Nonna’s hand-me-downs once she’s finished with them), but I can see that she’s onto something by not ‘comforting’ or ‘treating’ herself with that easy access dopamine hit of buying something, eating something, having something, she doesn’t need, and which many of us do because we are tired, overwhelmed, feeling burdened, and haven’t managed to do more meaningful and sustainable things to regulate our dopamine levels that day. I guess it comes back to the previous point – what do you actually need, and do you value yourself enough to give yourself that?

What will you try?

Clearly Nonna is quite an inspiration to me, and I am already starting to incorporate a lot of these pointers into my own life. Being your own doctor, you only need to take on the ones that suit you. What will they be? Which do you already swear by?

If you’re ready to make positive changes in your life, whether it is by implementing any of these pointers, or anything else that will help you to open the door to impactful and sustainable changes this year, let me know and we can schedule a free call. Change isn’t easy (especially sustainable change), and coaching could be the key to make it happen. Many people find even just the initial free call is helpful, so don’t be shy to make use of it!

Happy birthday Nonna, and thank you for teaching me so much. I look forward to the next decade and will do my best to keep up with you.

Get yourself energised and ready to make an impact this year: 5 lessons from a 90 year old with amazing core strength